How To Talk To A Girl On Facebook You’ve Never Met

| March 22, 2012 | 0 Comments

Steven asks…

How to start a conversation on Facebook with a girl you’ve never met?

Well, I like this girl but I’ve never met her. I’ve got her as a friend on Facebook but I don’t want to seem creepy if I just talk to her out the blue. I want to get to her know her to see whether she’s got a good personality but I I don’t know how to open a conversation that doesn’t make me seem creepy.

Cheers

admin answers:

Just say hi

Laura asks…

How to talk to a girl you’ve never met?

I really like this girl, and I have for a while now. I’ve never met her but my bestfriends are good friends with her. I told my friends and they told her that I thought she was ‘fit’, and that she should check me out on Facebook. She did, and she added me. I accepted, and said thanks for the add, and she said it’s alright. I also talked to her on Facebook again but it was to explain why Facebook was sending spam to everyone on my friend list. Other than that I’ve never talked to her properly.

I really like her, but I don’t want to seem creepy and stalkerish. I want to just talk to her and then maybe build from there. The problem is I don’t know how to talk to her. I don’t know what to say or where to start. Mostly because I don’t want to freak her out by asking her how she is, when I don’t even know her.

Please help me? I need some advice!

Thanks!

admin answers:

I think it would be best if you met her in person, then start talking to her on Facebook. See if you can meet her through your friends.

However, if she lives far away you could start chatting with her on Facebook chat or commenting on her statuses every once and a while. When you are chatting with her when you ask questions give your answer first, for example, “I go to MIT, what school do you go to?”. Phrasing the question like that makes it seem a lot less creepy than just saying “What school do you go to?”.

Daniel asks…

A girl I’ve never met likes me? Dunno what to do?

Ok so basically a girl I’ve never met likes me, we both stay in the same city and she started following me on twitter, where I tweet basically my entire life. Anyway she started replying to my posts, and I started following her, then we basically replied to each other quite a lot. I then found out she was friends with a few people at my school, including someone in almost everyone of my classes and a friend I’ve known since I was a baby. On twitter she sometimes posted when she was out drinking, so did I. She told me she loved me and that I was cute, obviously whilst she was drunk and then she asked me where I hanged about, and that I should hang with her; all whilst she was drunk, I didn’t really answer them tweets. She then added me on Facebook and I accepted her, then we started doing them things like ‘answer a question about a friend’ and like have poking wars and that, then we had a few conversations on there some of the wall post had more than 30 comments in them. Then on twitter she started posting things like ‘I really like him’ and ‘I have a twitter crush’ she also wrote ‘I want to write what I feel on here, but he follows me and will know it’s about him’, not stating any names but it was sorta obvious and I’m like the only guy she follows and speaks to on twitter, and on facebook she wrote something like ‘(friends name) just embarrassed me on facebook and twitter’, I didn’t know what the tweet was but a person I know that knows her said it had something to do with me. I haven’t spoken to her in about a week, because I haven’t been on the internet, but today I signed in on Facebook and I seen that another friend that she and I both know had tagged me in a post on her profile, but when I clicked on it that post had been deleted. I was just looking about her profile wondering about it, I then clicked on one of her wall posts from the person that tagged me in a post which had been deleted and it was about how many people she had been with the person that wrote the post started it off with something like, ‘whore’ as a joke, then he wrote ‘you’ve been with 7 people, it’s about to be 8 isn’t it?’, then a girl who she knows and she also follows me on twitter wrote ‘she’s gonna hate you when she sees this :L’ he then wrote ’8th person is gonna be, [MY NAME (SPELT WRONG)] (;’ and then the other girl wrote something like ‘ohhh he’ll know now.. :O’. She hasn’t tweeted on wrote anything on facebook in about a week, since she said she was so embarrassed and she must of deleted a lot of her tweets to me because they aren’t in my @replies. It’s obvious I’ve led her on, two weeks ago I stupidly tweeted ‘I hate been single, I wish I had a girl‘ and it’s true I really need a girlfriend. But I don’t think she deserves me, she is beautiful even on her bad pics, where as I’m fat and ugly, and of course she’s seen my pics, but I weirdly look a lot better on pictures than in person and I’d never upload pictures where I look horrible, and when I have I’ve always deleted them. Truth is I’d love to be with her and meet her, but I know I’m not what she expects; a tall, slim casual indie music kid. I am tall, I am sort of an indie music kid, but I’m not slim, I’m not overly fat but definitely chubby. I am not ready to be with someone when I feel this bad about myself, and I don’t know what to say to her. I wouldn’t mind like slowly becoming close with her, then finally meeting; but with the guy who’s she knows and that is in almost every one of my classes. If it could work I’d like it to be slow, like just as we are now, facebook & twitter, then just talking on msn all the time for a while then texting each other and then maybe phoning each other, then finally meeting. Not like how she wants, to meet me like straight away, she’s never said that but it is obvious. I honestly don’t know what to do, and I’m sorry about how much I’ve written, this could probably be a book, lol. I’m glad to receive any answers, and thank you if you actually read this, if you didn’t don’t bother giving me shit.

admin answers:

I read all that, and I would firstly like to say: CHUBBY BASTARD LOOOL

William asks…

What do I say to a girl I’ve never met before?

There is this girl I’m interested in and I dont know what to say to her. I dont have that much experience with women. I dont think I’m great at starting a conversation. I keep thinking about what would be interesting to talk about and after that topic is done…Whats next? I just have a feeling that there would be a moment of silence which would be awkward, and in that moment of silence, I would be thinking “Crap….now what do I say…?!”

What do I say to a girl and how should I approach her if I’ve never met her before or even seen her before. One example: There is a girl that you see crossing the street that you feel like you need to approach, to get the chance to know her. How would you handle the situation to possibly be able to successfully gain her phone number? What would you say?

Another instance, on facebook, theres this girl on my friends list who I dont even know, she’s a very attractive young lady and the only way would be to send her a message through facebook…What do I say in that message that wouldnt make me sound like a stalker or a weirdo.

I dont even know what to say if a girl says I’m cute. One time at work this girl approaches me and this is how the conversation goes…

“Hey Chris, do you think I’m mean?” says the girl.
“I dont think your mean…Why do you ask?”
The girl says “I dont know, some people think im mean to them.”
“Naw, I dont think your mean at all. Your not mean to me at least.”
Then the girl says “Well, maybe I’m not mean to you because I think you’re cute… (giggles)”
I smile and I say “Thanks.”
I feel stupid for giving that response. This happened at work and right after the conversation I just went back to work. I sometimes feel frozen at moments like those.

Please is there anyone out there who can give me some advice on approaching women the right way. And please give me some opinions on the above scenarios. Im 21 years old by the way if that makes a difference. Ive only had one girlfriend who ive dated for more than 5 years, thats why I havent had that much experience with other women. Not to sound conceited or anything but I think im a decent looking guy. Whats wrong with me? A female or male’s perspective would be really helpful. Thanks everyone in advance.
Please more detail.

admin answers:

Thats a lot to read.

Just say hey. How’re you? You come here often? I like your necklace/hair/belt/shoes/penis.

Seriously, just start with hello. Girls love confidence.

Good luck
x

Helen asks…

How to talk with people you’ve never met before on Facebook?

I was viewing my facebook friends and came across this girl. She is friends with one girl that used to go to my high school that I did not know well at all. That was the only mutual friend.This girl didn’t even go to my high school. Anyway, I’m a sophomore in college now and shes a freshman in college. I wanted to try to get to know her, make a new friend. But I don’t want to come across sounding creepy. How do I go about doing this? She is very cute but looks like she would be a very nice individual.

Thank you

admin answers:

Add her saying “You popped up on my facebook and I thought you looked cute :)” If she doesn’t accept then too bad, if so WOOT! Otherwise what are you going to say “Hey you know my friend that i dont even know really well and i was stalking you on facebook and thought that you were gorgeous and can we get married?” Good Luck!

Mary asks…

crazy girlfriends keep messaging me on Facebook?

In the past two months, I’ve gotten Facebook messages from 5 different girls who all think I’m interested in their bf, think I’m the reason they broke up, or think their bf is cheating on them with me. I have done nothing to deserve any of these judgments and I’m wondering if I’m dong something wrong and want to know how I can stop crazy bitches from messaging me because I’m over this stupid drama.

The 1st girl I’ve been friends with since 1st grade, I’m 22 now. I’ve known her bf since Jr. high. He text me one day asking how I was blah blah, of course I responded and we were just catching up. That was it. I got a message from her a few weeks later saying things like, “way to pretend your my friend… it must suck to keep getting rejected every time you throw yourself at him…Stop talking to me!”
WTF? she later apologized so it’s all fine.

2nd girl, her bf is a coworker. He wouldn’t stop texting me; it was really annoying. I would respond short if not at all. She messaged me I needed to back the F… away, threatened me, and called me a whore…never met her in my life.

3rd girl, I know from high school as well as her bf. I randomly found that he lives down the street from my aunt’s house when I posted a picture on Facebook of me and my cousin apparently with his house in the background. lol ironic. He commented saying, “when were you at my house?” She saw that and FREAKED OUT on me. She called me a stalker, desperate, a criminal, and she would basically kick my ass if she ever saw me again.
lol…okay

4th girl, her bf works with me, we don’t talk that much, he added me on Facebook and invited me to a few parties he was having. The girlfriend messaged me…long story short- same type of message as the last few girls.

5th girl, I just got, apparently I’ve worked with her bf, all his pictures are private except a few, one of a cat and one of him holding hands with a girl. I’m a sales rep so I go to a few different stores for work and am always meeting new people and coworkers, so I’m really bad with names and I was going to wait until Wednesday when I work next to see who he was before I deleted him or not. We never talked on Facebook, his crazy gf messages me this is the conversation:

HER- Hi, uhm if you think it’s okay to be friends with my boyfriend on Facebook, you wrong. You just broke us up by the way, hope you feel good.

ME- Uhhh okay, still not sure who he even is…Dumb reason to break up btw…sorry things didn’t work out. But definitely it’s not my fault.

HER-You don’t know (his name)? Yeah it’s a really freaking dumb reason to break up.

ME-Well, all his pictures are private except for like one of him holding hands with someone -I’m guessing you lol, and a cat. I saw he worked at Frys, and I’m a sails rep there sometimes, so I figured I knew him that way. I work at a lot of different stores so I’m really bad with names so I was going to wait until worked next to decide if I would delete him or not to save a possible awkward situation.
What happened?

HER-yes, that’s me. Okay well he lied to me and told me that he knows you very well from work bc you work at Fry’s with him. Why would you wait till you work again. So basically you’re saying that you want to meet him and see if you like him before you delete him? Can you please just delete him now? Him and I are engaged, you don’t need to meet him. This is all so dumb.

ME-….No… that’s not what I said.
I said I was going to wait to see if I knew him to delete him. I probably do know him, but like I said, I’m bad with names, and I don’t know what he looks like. He’s deleted n/p.
I’m not interested in stealing anyone’s boyfriend. Hope everything works out

So what’s the deal? Am I doing something wrong? I’m really tired of getting these messages. HELP!!!

admin answers:

Sounds like you’re hot and all these girls perceive you as a threat. It’s very natural human nature to do so really, so.. Unless you want to disfigure yourself, get used to being perceived as a threat by every woman to her relationship, and not being able to be “friends” with almost any guy off the bat, because they will be flirting. And taking it the wrong way when you act nice to them. And then their girlfriends WILL have a reason to be pissed. Not because of what you did, but because of their bf’s thinking they have a chance.

And so there is a downside to being hot, I guess.

EDIT: You could always tell them, gee, if your BF was stupid enough to take me acting in a friendly way like that, I guess it’s better for you in the long run that it’s over earlier rather than later. What an idiot. (for the ones that you don’t know/ are broken up) And for the ones who’s bf’s are your friends, I would just try and .. Be as not-flirty as possible around the bf, make it very clear she has top-girl role in his life. This pecking order stuff shouldn’t but does actually mean something. If it comes down to it just say, I am a friend nothing more period (but they may not believe it).

Best of luck.

Susan asks…

Is it possible for someone you’ve never met to love you?

Ive been talking to a guy on Facebook, we met through mutual friends. Anyway we live miles apart, so only talk through texts/fb and have never met. Anyway, he says he really likes me (even loves me) and thinks I am the girl for him.

I’m flattered by this, but am abit confused because he’s never met me (we’ve seen pics btw)

So is it possible to meet someone you’ve not met and how would you feel if it happened to you?

Thanks!

admin answers:

I have never met my boyfriend, and we’ve been together 2 years. It is possible for a flame to spark just through chatting on the internet, but I’m not sure about love.
Be careful, think about how long you’ve known him. If it’s only been recently, then it might just be “I’m so excited to talk to her!”

Try to get to know him better, talk to him through skype or just chat on the phone. If you’re confused how he can like you, he probably finds it fun to talk to you. Since you don’t have to face someone when you’re texting or on the computer, it’s easier to be yourself.

Donna asks…

How can I get over this girl? I’ve never felt like this before (long question)?

Not long after I turned 19 last year in November I met a girl from work, I liked her from the first time I met her. She is really attractive and her personally matched her looks 10 fold. I asked her out in March and she said ‘yes’ but never committed to the date, tried to make it coffee a couple weeks later but got a ‘I’ll get back to you’ response twice so I decided to give up then, I was over her when I didn’t see her for a month but it came back in late April (the feelings). She always maintains eye contact, stands close, smiles etc and she must know I like her and treats me as a friend at work (I know she does not talk to me as a ‘colleague’ but as a ‘work friend’ and I’m not even her regular friend, twice in the last 2 months I’ve texted her and the first response back has been ‘sorry who is this?’, so she hasn’t even saved my number in her phone.

It does not help when it comes up in my facebook news feed about her liking pages such as ‘I don’t want a perfect relationship, I just want you’ or ‘I want you to hold me, kiss me, hug me’ etc so she obviously likes someone else or other people who aren’t me :( I have never had a girlfriend and this is the first time I’ve tried so hard. At the end of this I still want to have a decent ‘relationship’ with her at work which I do to a degree since I don’t show these feelings and I act professional, but I haven’t got the courage to delete her number yet. And yes I know she ISN’T interested in me at all, I just refused to believe it until a couple of weeks ago. I believe deleting her number is a must, her posts are hidden on facebook now but I don’t need to delete her off facebook, we’re still cool and it’s not as if we’ve had a confrontation or anything and I can’t pretend that for the next year and a half (until I quit this job) that she does not exist.

The only thing I’m thinking of is joining a boxing gym to put my focus on something else. I know I made a huge mistake by liking her so much before I even asked her out but if she said ‘no’ or hesitated the very first time (basically any answer which didn’t involve ‘yes’) I would have called it quits and this wouldn’t be an issue (considering i asked her out 4 months ago). But now in my head I’m just thinking I can’t get anyone more attractive with a good personality like this girl, basically thinking nothing other than this girl isn’t good enough :(

One of my best mates was going through a similar situation with a girl at his work but they became best friends and hung out often (unlike me and this girl) but she was playing the same sort of mind games with him (probably to a bigger extent because they became best friends) and I went out the other night and when I left he talked to her and he texted me that he told her how he felt (‘I love you’) and they hugged it out for about 20 minutes, she is going away for a week or so so he’ll get an answer when she gets back I’m assuming, I feel happy for him and I hope it works out with him but it felt somewhat ‘good’ that I had a mate who was going through the same situation but it is what it is, this girl hasn’t even gave me a minute of her time outside of work so I can’t tell her I love her unless I want to be make a very awkward relationship at work.

I am sad about all of this and at the moment tears keep coming when I think about this and honestly the last time I cried before this year was 2004. Honestly since I can’t quit this part time job until I finish my degree late next year, this is very hard. I regret trying with a girl at work but if I hadn’t of tried maybe I’d be ten times worse but it’s not making it easier especially as my mind has created her as the closest to perfection woman who I want badly.

admin answers:

You are hopelessly in love, man! Thats true…okay, now here is the solution i have thought about you. Try to seduce her slowly. Give her little gifts n cards in occasions, text her some sweeties, and by time, ask her out somewhere. She will be much more easier and informal with you by then. If she is really in a relationship right now, then just wait and see. It might be little cruel, but hear me out, when she have any kind of misunderstanding or something like that with her bf, its your time to strike!!

Sandy asks…

I really like this girl, but I’m just too nervous…?

*sigh*…Okay, this isn’t going to be a short question.

I am 14 (nearing 15), a sophomore in high school. I’m a really shy and quiet guy (I can’t talk to anyone other than my close friends unless they start the conversation). Six months ago, I was the stereotypical high school nerd. I wore glasses, was horrible looking, had a horrible personality, had no friends, played no sports, etc. Over the summer I found something that was a massive wake-up call, and made me want to improve how I lived my life, both for myself and to impress the girl I met.

Well, met is a bit of a stretch, but I’ll get to that soon enough…Anyway, after realizing I was going nowhere socially, I looked to clean myself up. I got contacts, a haircut, started dressing nicer, and even finally took up something I’ve been longing to do for years: the guitar. Since it’s only been a month or so, I’m still not good at all on the guitar, but I’m getting there. Anyway, that’s irrelevant. This girl I “met“…I never really met her. I found out she exists, said Hi a mere one time, and that’s it.

So, this girl I like…We share one class (one with assigned seating, sadly, so I don’t get a chance to talk to her), and we ride the same bus. You’d think I couldn’t have been luckier, and I suppose you’re right, but let me elaborate on my issue here: This girl is pretty much a loner. She’s shy, quiet, really smart, doesn’t have a ton of friends, reads a lot, etc. She’s basically a mirror image of what I’m like. I’m astonished at how similar we are personality-wise. The main thing, though, is like me, she has hardly any self-confidence. I even looked her up on Facebook once, and she blatantly said she didn’t on her profile.

Self-confidence is my main issue: While I’m completely sure I’m an all-around better person, I’m still very socially awkward, have conversations filled with sporradic dead silences, and I’m extremely shy. I’m also still pretty sure I’m not “good looking” but somewhere between “ew” and “he’s alright”. For three weeks now, I’ve wanted to sit with her on the bus and talk to her, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Every time I think about it, it seems so easy. Whenever I think about actually doing it, though, I only see myself screwing up, or her being disgusted with me. She’s got to have a lot more (and better) options than me, so why would I impress her?

I’ll start wrapping this up, now, I suppose…

I’ve had people that try to start conversations with me and be my friends that I just really don’t want to be around. I just don’t like these people, and I try to avoid them, I try to end our conversations as soon as possible, and I’m miserable when I’m talking to them. I’m always afraid that when I go to talk to this girl, she will think the same thing of me, and see me as a weird kid who won’t leave her alone. Since she’s the only girl I’ve ever liked (and I’ve talked to/met a lot of girls, but never liked any of them), I’m afraid if I screw this up I won’t get a second chance for a long while…

Also, please note that at this time, I really don’t want/need to ask her out, I’m just interested in becoming friends. I’ll cross the whole “dating” bridge when, no, if, I get to it.

admin answers:

I quite know how you feel like (but I’m a girl) and I’m 14 as well. I also have social problems and find it hard to communicate and relate to other people.
If this girl is shy, it is likely that she just doesn’t want to embarrass herself in front of others. When you are on the bus, try sitting next to her or in front of her.
Try starting a conversation with her. It’s likely that she wants to talk to someone, she is just embarrassed. A lot of shy people really want to talk and stuff, but they just can’t bring theirselves to it.
Start off by saying ‘hi’ (or can I sit here if you sit next to her) then say “your in my class, aren’t you?”
Then ask her simple questions that have only one or a few word answers. Like “What’s your favourite subject?” and “What are your hobbies?” show her you are interested in what she says.
Do this whenever you can on the bus, and eventually it will become a regular thing for you two to talk to each other. She will be more likely to talk to you in class/around the school. Say hi when you pass her at school once in a while.
She won’t see you as a weird kid, but a friend to talk to. Just don’t over-talk or she will feel like you are attached to her.
I hope this helps. :) Good luck

Oh and remember, it is likely that she will appreciate the fact that someone is talking to her. Just keep the conversations simple and short. :)

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